Gifting from the heart means being conscious of the receiver and yourself. Giving gifts makes most of us feel really great and receiving them can be just as wonderful, yet we sometimes let the “should trap” take all of that joy away by giving outside of our means and from a place of obligation not joy.
Countless numbers of folks feel obligated to give gifts to people they aren’t lovingly motivated too, for the following reasons:
- They are family
- They gave you a gift
- You have to give them an equal value gift, so you are even and don’t owe them anything
- All of the receivers must receive equal $ value gifts because they will be at the same party
- You have to have something for everyone at the event or it’s not fair.
Here’s the result of that train of thought.
A whole bunch of people get gifts that they do not need, want or like. Now, we ignore this fact by saying “it’s the thought that counts”, but I ask you to look at the list of reasons above and decide if the thought is of pure, loving nature? Many times it’ so not, it’s obligation.
So, I wouldn’t just sit here identifying a problem and leave all that negativity hanging. Here’s what I propose.
- Share with your family only what you can afford. If it’s a handmade card and a home baked cookie that is enough. Nobody wants you to struggle financially all year to give holiday gifts, the truth is most of us have plenty of stuff anyway and we feel really guilty when we know someone has put themselves in financial strain to gift to us.
- Gifts from the heart do not require reciprocation. They are lovingly given in appreciation of who you are and all that you do.
- Equality of value has no place in gifting. It is not a competitive sport. A gift given with pure love is the most valuable of all.
- I recommend gift giving in private moments, as an event planner I see so many gift bags and freebies just left behind on tables because everyone got one and it wasn’t personal or special enough to keep track of. Give gifts to people you truly love and value and do it in a time and place where you can express that privately. Feel the need to bring something to that event: consumables are the way to go, food, drinks and sweets are always appreciated and enjoyed the same night.
- Anyone who is spending their holiday tallying receipts for their gifts has missed the true meaning of gift giving and needs you to shake things up for them! Go all handmade next year.
- Make it a rule never to give anyone a gift you don’t believe they will love. You know them well enough to want to give them a gift, when in doubt practicality beats random any day, listen to them and help them with something they need. A gift card that contributes toward the larger expense of something outside of your price range, with a card stating what it’s for will show you care, listen and support them. A random gift you grabbed because you had to give “something” will send an entirely different message.
- Don’t forget experiences! So many of us have plenty of stuff. An evening at a play, outdoor concert, bowling, the movies weeks after the big day provides an extra special treat and a reminder outside of the rush of the holidays how much you love and care about them.
